Jack, a sad realization too late

After many years of being a daughter in law, I have come to realize something that I should have known all along. I sometimes learn things and so wish I had learned it sooner. Here is my story and I dedicate it to you Jack, my father in law that went to be with the Lord two years ago, and to my husband Dick who are both great story tellers. I am so sorry I didn't figure this out back when I was that new daughter in law in your life.
Moving from California to Ohio is different enough, but being newly married and having never met my inlaws until after the fact made it an adjustment that took me awhile. My husband's family took me in and loved me. I thought they were very different culturally and I didn't figure out for awhile that I was just as different to them as they were to me. I told you it can take me awhile to learn things.
My father in law, Jack was a hard working, kind man that loved his family and made sure that he took good care of their needs. Ready and wating for us when we arrived was a nice used blue Ford truck that he said he knew we would need. No mention of price or paying him back, a gift because he knew we needed one. He was an example of giving that I had never encountered before. Of the many sayings that come from my husband, I know most came from his Dad and Mom. Most I can probably write in a future blog, but some are definitly better left as family sayings although you would appreciate the sentiment I know if I just worded it a bit differently.

Jack was a story teller. He talked for hours about people I had never known from his life and family. He told stories about places he had worked, cars he had worked on, houses he had torn down and wherever his mind took him that day. He spoke on families and who was related to whom, and how they were related to this person or that. I hated sitting through all the stories. I didn't know any of these people and couldn't understand why in the world we couldn't talk about today or why he never seemed interested in what I thought or was doing. I missed my loud family get togethers where everything in the world was open for discussion and everyone's opinion mattered. Stories were rarely told and current business ventures, politics, movies and children were the topics. My family for all it's faults seemed to care about what I was doing presently and asked me a lot of questions about what I was currently working on.
When Jack started to tell a story I retreated (at least verbally) and just politley listened to the many stories but certainly not intersted. Jack never acted like he noticed. His sons, wife, and others would listen and ask him questions, caught up in the stories, figuring out who that guy was that helped him tear down that house over in Boliver back in 1962 or bailed hay with him up on Legett's farm over in Dellroy, oh, about 10 years ago, you remember that Dick? It was a hot humid day and we were wondering if we'd get er done before that rain storm hit. Now there was that neighbor, oh you know the one that lived down on Tripp's place, well he came by and just stopped to help right then and there when he saw that rain storm brewing and looking like rain any minute. Now what was his name? He was John's son, you know the family that moved there from Columbus back in ......... Just goes to show what good people they were, whole family just like that, willing to help out anyone when they needed it. Well I remember the time his Dad helped the Millers when they didn't have enough to go around, and on and on and on.

Story after story was told and now it is now 35 years later and believe it or not I figured something out.

Sometimes we learn our lessons in the strangest places! I am sitting looking at this incredible view of mountains, a river is in the valley below with cottonwoods and green plants everywhere. A dry breeze is blowing making the hot weather bearable and the shade from the vine outdoor shelter where Dick and I sat reading was just what we needed for a break after a very long year. This bed and breadfast in Gila, New Mexico is our spot to retreat from the world. Mike O'Conner, the host of the place came by and sat to visit for awhile. When he learned that we were heading to Ireland, he began to tell us stories of this land that he lived in for many years. We sat and listened and I was facinated at the tales, lore, and funny accounts. He switched to an Irish brogue to tell us of encounters with the neighbors or a real estate lad that gave him a bit of advice.
Now you might be wondering how this fits with a lesson learned too late but I'm learning and I'm getting to the lesson of the story. Ah, me telling a story, amazing!
"I finally get it!" "I can't believe it took me so long," I told my husband one day who is very used to me starting a conversation where my mind is and not giving him any idea what it is I am talking about. "O.K. that's great, what do you get?" he says, knowing full well he may or may not get the whole picture at once. "Well, your relatives came from Ireland and oral stories and traditions were the way they kept the their culture and family values strong through the years. Your Dad was trying to give to me and all of his family traditions, culture, values and faith steeped in stories, people and a way of living life. Geneologies were verbal and kept strong through the 'you know he was related to Tip's family when George married Mabel.' I finally get it but I never did until now." I say with the passion of a long lost realization. Relieved, Dick agreed that this is very true of his family. "Why do you think I tell so many stories?"

Did I finally grow up enough to learn this very important lesson? I am terribly sad that I understand too late to go back and visit and listen to his stories. I am sad I didn't appreciate all he did for me materially and verbally. Maybe though I can pass this on to my children and my children's children or perhaps just listen patiently and with real interest to my husband when I hear the story about "coon hunting with Grandpa" for the 30th time. I get it and I hope you do too if you come from a family like mine. I love you Jack, and hope to share this with you some day.